Photo: J. Medkeff
In a speech yesterday to 900 dinner guests in Hamilton, Ont, Sarah Palin revealed that she has often been mistaken for a Canadian – even while on the campaign trail! It would be awful to think that all those mutterings during the last election about candidates not being truly American were actually about HER, so here’s a few tips to help her avoid any future confusion.
1. Put yourself out there a bit more, Sarah. It’s not surprising that you’ve been taken for a Canuck – self-effacement is the cornerstone of our national character. Don’t be afraid to blow your own horn – its tough, but if you don’t do it, nobody else will!
2. Give up that socialized medicine stuff. I know, I know, it’s handy to just nip over the Alaska-Yukon border for some cheap TLC, but it makes you look suspiciously pink.
3. Don’t hold back with the juicy bits. Canadian public figures are anally circumspect about sharing intimate details of their private lives with the public – you’d think they had something to hide! If you could be a bit more forthcoming about stuff, it’d only work in your favour.
4. Diplomacy is for sissies. We Canadians don’t like to tread on toes and prefer our sharp objects bubble-wrapped. You have to just say what you think, Sarah, and damn the way it comes out. It’s not the message that matters, it’s the presentation.
5. Don’t be so afraid to put your foot down. We’re famous for hating to make a nuisance of ourselves, so unless you make it clear that private jets and bendy straws are part of every deal, nobody’s ever going to be sure where your loyalties lie.
6. Sarah, Sarah, stop being so darn friendly – it’s #2 on the list of Canadian best qualities. And it’s so easily mistaken for sincerity.
7. Get rid of the lumberjack shirts. You’re a good-looking woman – no shame in that – so flaunt yourself a little. Undo a few buttons. Nothing wrong with being sexy AND a politician, which only one Canadian has ever managed to do and he’s dead.
Good luck, Sarah, and take care with those ‘ruffs’ and ‘rooves’ . A good speech coach should be able to sort those out in no time!
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