Well, there’s always the men’s department

 
When I need a break from writing my best-selling novel, the internet is the place I go – it’s  so much less stressful than trying to move that pivotal sex scene forward with dialogue. I take a look at the news for the umpteenth time,  re-read my sent emails and sometimes do a little online shopping.  I prefer that to the real thing for several reason; for starters, there’s the phenomenal choice minus the pressure to buy, and there’s no clerk eyeing your every move when you say you’re ‘only looking’.  

(According to the French newsmagazine l’Express, only 2% of online browsers actually make a purchase from sites they visit, compared to 55% of walk-in shoppers in the real world.  This is no surprise, but the French love a challenge and have set up a sort of  bureau for the Conversion of the Reluctant E-Shopper.  Just imagine what the Russians could do with that.)

Generally I only ever shop online for two things – cheap airline tickets and big shoes.  Like 4 out of 5 women, I have a thing for footwear, but by an accident of genetics I have been denied the thrill of investing in the money pit that is a closet full of shoes.  On my first visit to the UK in 1969 – when Buying British was still a bargain – my right foot was measured by a weedy shoe shop clerk who was so astonished by the result that he blurted, ‘Good Lord, Miss, your feet are enormous!!’  Fourteen-year-old girls do not handle news like this well, especially when it makes other people’s heads turn.   

That traumatic experience has haunted me since.  When I want  new footwear (as opposed to needing any)  I either go online or to the one out-of-the-way store in Canada where asking for my size doesn’t get a blank look or a giggle.  Sometimes I forget myself when I’m in a shopping centre, overcome by a yearning desire to have a pair of lovely shoes like the ones in the window. There’s a special tone I use for these occasions – casual, not obviously hopeful, an I’m-a-big-girl-and-I-can-take-rejection  – because I already know perfectly well that I’m wasting my time and no they won’t have those Manolo Blahnik knock-offs in a size 12US/10UK/43.5EU.    

So yesterday I wandered over to the Clarks UK website because the  ugly, cloggy, incredibly comfortable  things currently on my feet are starting to wear out.  Clarks has always been faithful to my particular needs, even if their stuff is not exactly what you want to wear to the opera.   I ticked the option to sort results by size and came up with…exactly nothing.  Never mind the style, there was not a single pair of shoes my size to be found on the entire website! 

Dear Clarks, I emailed, please tell me there’s some mistake.

The answer came back within the hour, assuring me that Clarks and Co understood my distress, but that, ‘regrettably, due to a drop in popularity of size 10s’ they had taken the difficult decision to discontinue this size. 

A DROP in POPULARITY??   What, size 10s just aren’t trendy any more? Or maybe I've been missing out on the whole optional part of shoe sizing, in which case I want to be a 7!  

Are big-footed women abandoning shoe-wearing altogether, or have they become an endangered species? Gad, maybe it’s an age-related thing and we’re dying out.  Get me some duct tape. I’m going to have to keep these things going for a while yet.